Not long ago, I was offered an opportunity to lead. On paper, it was a natural fit, decades of experience in sales, leadership, and navigating the complexities of business. But inside, I felt the familiar tug:
Time to negotiate your worth. Again.
At 61, with over 40 years of experience, I was surprised at the emotional punch this brought. Because if I’m honest?
I’m so tired of it.
I’m so tired of it.
By the third meeting, when the counteroffer was presented, I could feel myself growing impatient. I didn’t feel fully seen, and the energy shifted. What began as excitement quickly turned into fatigue, and I found myself pulling back rather than leaning in.
And I had to ask myself:
What part of me was drawn to this opportunity and why did the idea of being chosen still matter, even after so much experience and success?
Let’s face it when your roles change or you grow older, it’s easy to feel unseen for the value you bring to the table.
I saw the possibility, the potential, and the value I could contribute. But I also knew how much time and effort it would take. And the truth was, our visions didn’t align not in terms of what I brought to the table, nor in what the role truly needed.
Wrestling with the “Shoulds”
Even at this stage of life, it wasn’t easy to override the “shoulds”:
- I should negotiate.
- I should demand.
- I should give it a try.
- I should, because being chosen feels validating.
.But here’s what I’ve learned:
Every “should” is really a signal.
A signal to pause.
A signal to check whether the choice aligns with your values, your energy, and the season of life you’re in.
The Sales Reality: Waking Up “Unemployed” Every Day
Anyone who’s worked in straight-commission sales knows: you start each day unemployed.
Every day, you start fresh responsible for creating income through your effort, relationships, and resilience.
That reality taught me grit. It built endurance.
But it also trained me to constantly prove my value to clients, to companies, even to myself.
But it also trained me to constantly prove my value to clients, to companies, even to myself.
After 40 years, that habit runs deep.
And it’s exhausting.
And it’s exhausting.
Worth vs. Value: The Distinction We Miss
This is where I see the crux of the issue:
Worth and value are not the same.
- Worth is market-driven and transactional tied to what the market will pay.
- Value is meaning-driven subjective, and rooted in what you’ve lived, what you bring, and the impact you make.
“The worth of my sales numbers can be measured. But the value of resilience, raising children while managing a career, mentoring others, weathering downturns, and leading through change that’s immeasurable.”
And too often, organizations miss that value because they’re focused only on the numbers.
That disconnect can drain both opportunity and energy.
From Proving to Claiming
Here’s the shift I’m learning to make:
- Proving is about justification: Let me show you why I deserve this.
- Claiming is about ownership: I already know my value. Let’s discuss alignment.
“That reframe moves the conversation from defense to authority and from draining to energizing.”
The Close: I Didn’t Walk Away. I Stood Taller.
In the end, I walked away from that meeting not defeated, but clear.
“Clear that my worth may be measured but my value is not negotiable.”
Clear that if an opportunity drains me before it even begins, it’s a signal that it’s not aligned.
Clear that midlife isn’t about starting over it’s about starting from experience.
Clear that midlife isn’t about starting over it’s about starting from experience.
And experience is not something we should have to justify. It’s something we stand on.
After decades of waking up “unemployed,” closing deals, raising children, building and managing relationships, and showing up every day, I’ve learned this:
The most important negotiation is the one we make with ourselves
And mine is simple:
I will no longer prove my worth. I will claim my value.
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